I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
We need a shit load of segways right now
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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