ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Randomize
