i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
