I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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