I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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