You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Can you repeat that, but with context?
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
