I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
