That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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