In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
