I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I wish my penis had an off switch
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
Randomize
