i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
You took a bar mat shot.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
