Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize