Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
dude. I can hear the air.
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
