She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
