I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
