If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
