i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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