fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
