HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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