Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Randomize