My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
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