i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
