I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
