i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
