dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
