turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
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