WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
