I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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