i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Randomize
