Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
