Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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