So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Randomize
