Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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