even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
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