I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
