i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
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