I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
