I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
It only happened twice. Once we used extra virgin olive oil and once I used saliva and brute force.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
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