why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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