i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
