It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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