How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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