the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
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