Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
