how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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