Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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