If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize