i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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