Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
