Betty ford says i'm here all night
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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