Having a random hookup so left but love u
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
