Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
bro your seconds weren't very sloppy last night, is everything ok?
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize