It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize