i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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