I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
