What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
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