absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
