I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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