so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
