My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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