I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
It's official drugs can't kill me
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Randomize
