he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
