Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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