Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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