His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Randomize
