if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
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