come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
