I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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