um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
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